I stumbled upon another eyebrow-raising article about interacting with Germans and it gives similarly straightforward advice on how to relate. I’m starting to think none of these writers has lived in Berlin as a lot of this stuff doesn’t seem to apply in this relaxed and casual city. It’s still pretty funny to read.
In Dating Etiquette in Germany, the author prefaces her article by insisting that two people who have a true bond will be able to get over their cultural differences, no matter what the circumstances. However, the difficult moments which are sure to arise between an American and a German need to be studied carefully as they can be easily avoided. She even name-drops an American woman who, shockingly enough, has successfully dated and communicated with (!) a German man.
Regarding paying for dinner, it is suggested that German men are entirely open to splitting the bill (unless “he’s the real old-fashioned type, like some American men are” and “he might have the perverse response of thinking that his manhood’s been insulted.”) The author goes on to state that “Direct questions rarely offend Germans (assuming the question isn’t too personal), and they’re typically more than willing to give straight-forward answers.” I’ll have to test this one out at work. Looking forward to coming up with the most personal-but-not-too-personal questions for my co-workers.
Don’t try to make too much “chit chat” or “small talk” with him. Most Germans know little or nothing of the art of talking about banal, superficial topics as a way of “breaking the ice” with new acquaintances; that custom belongs to American-style “friendliness” and is not part of German “respect”. Germans also often react negatively to the shallow, superficial quality of casual friendships/acquaintanceships in the U.S., and so he might react negatively towards you if you engage in much “light” conversation. If you’re looking for good topics for conversation, try: politics, current events, philosophy, or any subject he’s studying in school.
Yikes! This “no small talk” thing seems to be a recurring theme. I’ve started reading The Economist, but it sounds like I’ll need to brush up on some Continental Philosophy, too.
When it comes to humor, use some common sense. When you first meet most Germans, they might seem rather humorless, but after you get to know them, most of them can relax and enjoy a good belly-laugh as well as any American. And they tend to laugh at pretty much the same things — except, of course, for anything specifically culturally or linguistically based.
Hmmm. They’ll laugh at pretty much the same things, will they? Again, this one will need to be tested out at work. I want to see some “belly laughs.”
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